Why is it that some people’s discussions end in argument
while others may discuss the same subject and end their discussion
in a friendly manner? It has everything to do with the skills
of holding a discussion.
Why is it that when two people deliver the same sermon
with the same words, you find that among the audience of the
first person someone is yawning or sleeping, another is playing
with a prayer mat, and others are repeatedly shifting, whilst the
audience listening to the second are listening attentively to the
sermon, such that they cannot even blink an eyelid nor of what is
being said? It has everything to do with oratory skills.
Why is it when so-and-so speaks in a gathering, everyone listens
to him attentively and focuses on him, whereas when someone
else speaks, they began to talk about other side issues and
start reading their text messages? It has everything to do with
the skills of verbal communication.
Why is it when one school teacher walks through the corridor,
all the students gather around him? One shaking his hand,
another asking his advice, and yet another one complaining about
a problem; if he were to sit in his office and allow the students
to enter, it would be filled with students in seconds as everyone
wishes to sit with him. Yet, another teacher walks through
the corridor by himself and leaves the school’s mosque and he
is alone. No student approaches him to shake his hand, or to
complain about a problem. If he were to leave his office open
from sunrise to sunset, no one would ever come to it as nobody
seems to like to be in his company.
Why?
It has everything to do with interpersonal skills.
One person enters a public gathering and everyone smiles
at his face and feels joy at meeting him; everyone wishes to sit
next to him. However, another person walks in and gets cold
handshakes, either out of custom or kindness. He then looks for
a place to sit but cannot find a person who gives him any space
or calls him to sit next to him.
Why?
It has everything to do with the techniques of attracting and
influencing others.
Why is it that a father enters his house and his children smile
at him with joy, whereas another comes to see his children but
they do not even turn to acknowledge his presence? It is all to
do with the skills of dealing with children. You can say the same
about the mosque, wedding parties and so on.
People differ in varying degrees from each other in terms
of their interpersonal skills, and, accordingly, the way they are
treated by others also differs to varying degrees. Influencing people
and earning their love is easier than one can imagine. I am
not exaggerating when I say this, since I have tried these skills a
number of times and found that it is very easy to capture people’s
hearts, if indeed we are serious about interpersonal skills
and training ourselves in them.
People are affected by the way we deal with them whether
we realise it or not. For thirteen years, I have been an Imam at a
military college. On my way to the mosque, I pass by a gate that
is watched by a guard.
When I pass by the guadr, I am always eager to smill at him
and signal with my hand by way of giving my salams to him. After
the Salah, I get in my car and make my way hom. Usually, whilst
I am doing my Salah in the mosque, I recieve a number of next
rebages and missed calls, on my cell phone. When I pass by the
great on my way back from the salah, I am preoccupied with ???
the message, so I forgot to smile at him.
Until, one day I was surprised when he stopped me and said,
“Dear Shaykh, are you upset with me?”
“Why would I be?” I asked.
He said, “When you enter I noticed that you smile and you
seem very happy. But when you leave, you neither smile nor
seem pleased.”
The man was very sincere, so he began to swear how much
he loved and respected me, and how joyful he was upon seeing
me. I apologised to him and explained to him the reason for my
behaviour.
I then realised that when we get used to such skills, they
become part of our nature, and others certainly notice when we
negligently fail to practise them.
Enlightenment...
Do not earn wealth and lose people, for earning people is a
way to earning wealth.
