By: Mahmoud M Al-Istamublli


Foreword
Introducation
Marriage Is an Act of Worship
Before Marriage
Islam and Love
Blessed Marriage
Recommendations before Marriage
In the Bed Room
Caressing
The Wedding Banquet
Take Care of Women
The Ideal Wife
Rights and Duties
Marriage Is Enjoyment and Responsibility
The Tribulation of Women
Family and Dangers
Chaste People Are under Allahs Shade
Jealousy Consumes love
A Feather in the Wind
Sex: Questions and Answers
Translator's Postscript

Islambasics Library: The Bride's Boon

In the Bed Room

Caressing One’s Wife When the Consummation of Marriage with Her

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

Asmaa’ bint Yazid ibn Al-Sakan related, "I adorned `Aisha when marrying the Prophet (pbuh). When I called him to see her, he came close to her and brought a cup of milk to offer her. He offered her the milk to drink but she was shy[1] and lowered her gaze. Asma said, Thereupon, I rebuked her and asked her to accept what the Prophet gave her. Accordingly, she took the cup and drank some (milk). Then the Prophet (pbuh) said, Give it to your friends.

[Reported by Ahmad]

 

 

What a Husband Says on the First Day of Marriage

 

Prophetic Hadith:

 

"When anyone of you marries a woman or buys a servant, let him say, "O Allah, I ask You her good, and the good You created in her; and I seek refuge from her evil and the evil You created in her.

[Narrated by Abu Dawud]

 

 

Performing two rak’ats upon the first time to have sexual intercourse with one’s wife:

 

 

Prophetic Hadith:

 

"When you enter upon your wife (for the first time), you have first to perform two rak'ats and then hold your wife's head and say, “O Allah! Bless my wife for me, bless me for my wife, give her bounty out of me, and give me bounty out of her!" Then you can do what you want."

[Reported by Abu Dawud]

 

 

Woman’s Speech

 

Qur’anic Verses:

 

{Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire: but speak ye a speech (that is) just}[2]

[Al-Ahzab: 32]

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

Narrated Al-Awza'i: I asked the Prophet (pbuh) "Which of the wives of the Prophet (pbuh) sought refuge with Allah from him"? He said," I was told by 'Urwa that 'Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said,

"When the daughter of Al-Jawn was brought to the Prophet (pbuh) (as his bride) and he went near her, she said, I seek refuge with Allah from you. He said, You have sought refuge with the Great; return to your family.[3]

 

 

 

 

 

What a Husband Says upon the First Time to Have Sexual Intercourse with His Wife

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

"If, whenever anyone of you makes sexual approach to his or her mate, you say:" O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep him away from any offspring You may bless us with, then the Satan will never harm any offspring you are destined to produce.

[Reported by Al-Bukhari]

 

 

The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets

 

Qur’anic verses:

 

{The righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them guard.}

[Al-Nisa: 34]

 

 

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

“On the authority of Asmaa’ bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said:  “Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allah verily both the women and men do that.” Then the Prophet said: “Do not do that. It is like a male Satan who meets a female Satan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on! "

[Reported by Ahmad]

 

 

What a Husband Does on the Next Day of Marriage

 

On the next day of marriage a husband should greet his kin who live in his house and invoke Allah to them, as do they.

"When marrying Zaynab, the Prophet (pbuh) held a wedding banquet in which he fed the Muslims bread and meat. Then he met the mothers of the believers, greeted them and invoked Allah to them, as do they. He used to do this whenever he consumn1ated his marriage (with a new bride).

[Reported by Al- Nasa’i]

 

 


How Does a Husband Approach His Wife?

 

Qur’anic verses:

 

{Permitted to you on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments.}

[Al-Baqara: .187]

 

{Your  wives are as a tilth unto you so approach your tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah, and that you are to meet Him}[4]

[Al-Baqara: 223]

 

Prophetic Hadith:

 

"Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) said, "The Jews claimed that whenever one approaches his wife from her back, the child will be born cross-eyed. Therefore Allah revealed,

{Your wives are as a tilth unto you so approach your tilth when or how you will}

The Prophet (pbuh) said when interpreting that verse: "(It is permissible for one) to approach his wife’s vagina from rear or front position.

[Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

 

"On the authority of Ibn 'Abbas who said: "The Ansar, who had been polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The former viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow their example in many things. The people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side, this being the most modest way for the woman, and the Ansar had followed their example in that. These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their women in an uncomely maru1er. They took pleasure in them from the front, from the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to al­-Madina at the time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from among the Ansar, and began doing that with her. She disapproved of it and told him: "We used only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from me!” This dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the Prophet. So Allah, the High Exalted revealed,

{Your wives are as a tilth unto you so approach your tilth when or how you will}

[Reported by Ahmad]

 

 

 

Reward Even While Having Sexual Intercourse

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

"Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: 'O Messenger of Allah, the affluent among us has taken the rewards (at the hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their wealth!" The Prophet said: "Did Allah not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa (a reward)? Verily for every time you say Subhannallah (Exalted is Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa." The Companions said: "O Messenger of Allah, is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual desire?" The Prophet said: "Don't you see, if he had satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?" They said: "Why, yes! He said: "In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is lawful, there is for him in that a reward.[5]

[Reported by Muslim]

 

 

Reward for Those Who Have Sexual Intercourse with Their Wives on Fridays

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

"Whoever has a bath like that   done because of ritual impurity and goes out (to mosque), he gives in charity a camel, a cow at the second hour, a sheep at the  third hour, a hen at the fourth hour or an egg at the fifth hour. If the Imam ascends the pulpit, the angels turn to him to listen.

 

"Whoever has a bath on Friday and arrives early at the mosque on foot, sits near the Imam and listens in tranquility, entitles the reward of a full year of work including fasting in the day and praying in the night.

[Reported by Al-Nasa’i and Abu Dawud]

 

 

 

Sodomizing One’s Wife

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

"Allah does not look at whomever sodomizes a woman[6]

[Reported by Al-Nasa’i]

 

Whoever has intercourse with a woman during her period, or sodomizes a woman, or who goes to a fortuneteller and believes him, has committed unbelief (if he considers any of these acts permissible].

[Reported by Abu Dawud and Al-Nasa’i]

 

Once `Umar ibn Al-Khattab came to the Prophet (pbuh) saying, O Messenger Of Allah, I became a loser! What happened, the Prophet (pbuh) asked. He said, I changed the position last night. The Prophet (pbuh) had no answer to say .Then Allah the Almighty revealed,

{Your wives are as a tilth unto you so approach your tilth when or how you will}

[Reported by Al-Nasa’i and Tirmidhi]

 

 


Guarding One’s Nakedness Except from His wife

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

On the authority of Mu`aawiya ibn Haida, who said: "I said: O Messenger of Allah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware? The Prophet answered, “Guard your nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand possesses." (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: 'O Messenger of Allah, what about if the relatives live together with each other?' The Prophet answered: "If you can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so." He said: 'O Messenger of Allah, what about when one is alone?’ The Prophet said: "Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the people". "

[Ahmad, Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi]

 

 

Intercourse with One’s Wife during Menstruation

Qur’anic verses:

 

{They ask thee concerning women’s courses. Say: They are a hurt and pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them as ordained for you by Allah for Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.}[7]

[Al-Baqarah: 222]

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

Whoever has intercourse with a woman during her period, or sodomizes a woman, or who goes to a fortuneteller and believes him, has committed unbelief (if he considers any of these acts permissible).

[Reported by Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi]

 

 

When the Prophet (pbuh) wants to do something with one of his wives during her menstrual period, he covers her vagina and does what he wants.

[Reported by Abu Dawud]

 

 

 

One’s Privacy before his Wife

 

Prophetic Hadith:

 

Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah (may Allah be pleased with him) said,         I asked the Prophet (pbuh), which of our privacy can we show? The Prophet (pbuh) said, Keep your privacy hidden except before your wife and what your hand possesses.

[Reported by Abu Dawud]

 

"Abdul-Rahman Ibn Abu Sa'id al­-Khudri reports the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) to nave said, “A man is prohibited to look at the `awrah of another man, and a woman (is prohibited) to look at the `awrah of another woman. Let no man be covered with another man by one cover, and let no woman be covered with another woman by one cover.

[Narrated by Muslim]

 

­

Wash Yourself for Another Sexual Approach

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

"Whoever has sexual intercourse with his wife and wants to do that again would better make ablution.”

[Reported by Ahmad]

 

"Abu Rafi' related, "One day the Prophet (pbuh) had sexual intercourse with all his wives. He would before moving on take bath. Rafi' said, O Messenger of Allah, let it be one bath. He said, this is better, more cleansing and purifying.”[8]

[Reported by Abu Dawud and Al-Nasa’i]

 

"On the authority of `Aisha who said: Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform ablution as for prayer.

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

 

 

‘Aisha related,

"The Prophet (pbuh) used to sleep while having ritual impurity without touching the water and takes a bath after getting up.”[9]

[Reported by Abu Dawud]

 

`Aisha also related,

"When the Prophet (pbuh) has major ritual impurity and wants to sleep, he makes ablution or dry ablution (tayamum).[10]

[Reported by Al-Baihaqi]

 

 

The House must have a Place for Bathing

 

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

On the authority of Jabir who said: "The Prophet said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being circulated."

[Al-Hakim and Tirmidhi]

 

"On the authority of Umm ad-­Darda who said: "I came out of the public bath and I met Allah's Messenger who said to me: 'From where have you come O Umm Darda'?' I said, 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before Ar-Rahman.

                                                                                                      [Reported by Ahmad]

 

 

Disaffecting a Person’s Wife

 

Prophetic Hadiths:

 

"He who disaffects a person’s wife or servant from him is not of us.”[11]

[Reported by Ahmad]

 



[1] Shyness may motivate the males’ desire, but it should not be excessive lest it may lead to his indifference. He may further think that his wife does not want him. The Prophet also sets a good example before grooms who would like, from the first time of their marital life, to have sex with their brides without giving themselves a chance to know each other or to make any kind of foreplay.

 

[2] Woman is kind by nature. Therefore they should be aware of their speech lest people might misunderstand or misinterpret their kindness.

[3] Seeking refuge with Allah in this situation is meaningless. She would rather respond to the Prophet’s (pbuh) feelings.

 

[4] Sex is not a thing to be ashamed of, or to be treated lightly, or to be indulged to excess. It is as a solemn a fact as any in life. It is compared to a husbandman’s tilth; it is a serious affair to him: he sows the seed in order to reap the harvest. But he chooses his own time and mood of cultivation. He does not sow out of season nor cultivate in a manner, which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate and does not run riot. Coming from the simile to human beings, every kind of mutual consideration is required, but above all, we must remember that even in these matters there is a spiritual aspect. We must never forget our souls, and that we are responsible to Allah.

 

[5] The dearest thing to Satan is to have a couple separated so as to drive them to the way of corruption. It was reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said, Satan often sends his soldiers everywhere in the earth saying to them, Whoever diverts a Muslim I will crown him. The most skilful one in diverting people, the nearest to me. Meanwhile, a devil comes and says, “I kept tempting such and such until he divorced his wife.” Satan says, You did nothing. He will marry another woman. Another comes and says, I kept tempting such and such until he fell in adultery. Satan says, Great and well done. Then he makes him nearer to him and gives him the crowns.

 

 

[6] In his book, Zad al-Ma'ad, Imam Ibn Qayyim said, Approaching a woman from her anus is unlawful. This is because the woman has also the right of sexual satisfaction. She cannot get any kind of sexual pleasure by such position. The only natural and proper way to have sex with a woman is through her vagina.

 

[7]  Modern Medicine proved that sexual intercourse with one’s wife during menstruation has many harmful effects:

1- Pain in the woman’s reproductive system: uterine and oval inflammation that may lead to her infertility.

2- Inflammation in the man’s penis and scrotum that may also lead to his infertility.

 

[8] This is because water refreshes one’s body.

 

[9] 'It is recommended for one to have a bath after sexual intercourse and before sleeping. Ablution is also permissible. One is also allowed to sleep after having sexual intercourse without making ablution.

 

[10] When unable to use water, dry ablution is a dispensation to perform the prayer or similar act without lifting one’s minor or major impurity, by the use of earth for one’s ablution.

 

[11] It is unlawful for a person to mention any thing to another’s wife, son and so forth that could disaffect them from him, unless one is commanding the right and forbidding the wrong.

 

 


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